A blue Christmas is not just an Elvis Presley song. The holiday blues are real and feeling down, depression and anxiety can make the spirit, not so merry and bright.
Stress during the holidays is a lot higher than the rest of the year. “Businesses will tell you the majority of their income comes at Christmas time. As consumers, there’s more demand on us to get more things accomplished, there’s more get-togethers and there’s more gifts to buy,” says FCSS Counselling Services Supervisor Michael Fedunec, and there’s far too much comparison shopping.
“I’m not talking about actual gifts. What I’m talking about is comparing our lives to an unrealistic representation of the perfect Christmas experience. We’re bombarded with all these images in the media and expectations from other people of what the perfect Christmas is. When our holidays don’t look like what these images are or what’s being portrayed, that tends to lead us into feeling a little down because we’re not having that ‘perfect Christmas.’”
What we have a tendency to do is make comparisons to the Christmases of our past, notes Fedunec. “We might reflect back to when we were a child and we have fond memories of great Christmases. When things were much happier.”
Thinking back to a time when you weren’t grieving the loss of a loved one, going through a divorce or when you weren’t encountering financial distress. “Reflecting can sometimes cause us to feel less than content with where things are because we’re romanticizing about when things were so much better,” adds Fedunec.
For whatever reasons, the end of the year has a tendency to lead us into more anxiety, which leads to negative thinking, says Fedunec. “The Christmas holidays are just a reminder the year is about to end. Instead of it being a time of celebration, family and all the things the holiday season represents, now we’re reminded 2024 is now going to be ending and we’re going to be going into a new year. The New Year brings about a lot of uncertainties because there’s a lot of things we had hoped to accomplish in 2024 that we didn’t and we’re unsure of how we’re going to make it through the next year.”
“Instead of focusing on the things of which to be grateful for at this time of year, we’re focusing more on the things we are without or the things we didn’t get accomplished.”
Loneliness, Fedunec says, is also a huge contributor to the Christmas blues. “And stress because we don’t have family around perhaps or because we don’t have strong family relationships or we live away from where our family is.”
“We’re just finding ourselves confronted with the loneliness of the season. We’re looking around and seeing other families getting together and doing things and we don’t have anyone to do that with.”
Fedunec offers a few suggestions to help ease those holiday blues.
- Be honest with yourself about how you’re feeling. If you’re feeling depressed, frustrated or anxious – don’t deny those feelings. Acknowledge that’s how you’re feeling and it becomes easier to begin the process of trying to find some solutions to those feelings. The feelings are not bad, they’re just an indicator of where you’re at. Don’t try and hide yourself or avoid the feelings by overeating or using excessive alcohol or drugs that might get you to mask those feelings.
And remember, it’s OK to feel those things. “In a lot of situations or circumstances you have every right to feel stressed if you don’t have the finances to buy Christmas gifts and things like that. Be honest with yourself.”
2. If you’re feeling extremely overwhelmed and you feel like there’s only one thing you can manage, make sure you go for self-care. Manage taking care of yourself. That might mean going for a massage or hanging out with friends for some laughter or maybe increasing the amount of exercise you’re doing and keeping your regular routine going. Don’t find yourself slipping into isolation or withdrawal or to the point where you’re not doing anything. Do whatever it takes to take care of yourself because if you don’t, it’s hard to take care of others.
“You may not feel like going out to do things because you don’t have family or friends or have lost a loved one and this is going to be the first Christmas and you just want to do ‘self-imposed isolation’ and you find yourself with a tub of ice cream,” says Fedunec. “You really need to push yourself. Get out and be active.”
3. You can also consider volunteering. To get yourself out, instead of just focusing on yourself during this time of year, maybe look towards helping other people. There’s a lot of great opportunities – food banks, shelters or maybe walking a couple of dogs.
4. Forget presents, but be present. Instead of focusing on the past or the future, just take a moment to reflect on where you are in this moment and see if you can be present for the people who are in your life. But also to be present in your feelings and emotions.
“And just live in the moment with an attitude of gratitude,” adds Fedunec.
5. It’s important this time of year to put up boundaries. As much as we might feel we’re alone during the holidays, we’re not. Some of the biggest stressors are family stress. It’s the thought of getting together with the family and all the drama that goes with it or the comparing.
“When you’re starting to feel overwhelmed you need to back off and you need to ensure you don’t engage in activities that are going to continue to push you over the limit. It might be related to family, work or any number of things where you feel pressured into doing more than what is necessary. Just making sure you don’t push yourself to the point of exhaustion. See the holidays as a great time to practice saying ‘no’ to what you don’t want and learning to delegate and say ‘yes’ to you because you’re the most important person at this time.”
